My Wheel of (Mis)Fortune experience, Pt. III

Me and my new best friend.

Did you watch it? Do you think I'm the dumbest person in the universe? Do you wish I was dead? Are you an emotional wreck? Yeah. Me too.

Before you kill me, please let me explain myself. I am normally great at this game. When I'm at home, on my couch, with only a husband and a few babies watching, I kick so much Wheel of Fortune butt. I even kicked a ton of Wheel of Fortune butt at both of my auditions. I thought for sure I was going to win big when it came time to play the real thing. Yeah... not so much.

I'm not even sure what happened. Of freaking course, I know that phrase! I know what the stupid early bird does to that stupid little worm. But, for whatever reason, when it counted the most, I blanked. I guess I let my nerves, the cameras, the audience and Pat Sajak's presence get to me.

I was doing great. I grabbed that first toss-up no problem. My interview with Pat went swimmingly. When it was my turn to start spinning that wheel, I was so stoked. I remember gaining control of the wheel and hearing my cash total climb. I couldn't believe my luck! At one point, I was buying vowels so fast, that I actually had to tell myself to slow down. I lost my focus. I saw that most of the puzzle was complete. Pat said something like, "Spin or solve... don't get buzzed out!" And I panicked. I looked at the board (for what seemed like the first time that round) and read what was up there... and it just wasn't clear. The early bird gets the worm... nope... doesn't fit. The early bird watches the worm? That doesn't even make sense. Hurry! Don't get buzzed out! Do something, you crazy person! So, I spun that fateful spin... landing on the tiniest bankrupt on the wheel... right next to that beautiful million dollar space.

And just like that, I lost it all. Thousands of dollars, a trip and a potential lead. Oh, and in case you were wondering... I was planning to call a C, had I not landed on bankrupt. Yeah. That would have been great.

The rest of the game flew by insanely fast. I tried to hang in there... but after realizing what an idiot I had been, I think I kinda checked out. It didn't help that the player to my right was pretty much nailing every puzzle before I even had a chance. I barely touched the wheel. I kept praying for anything to give me another shot, but, no dice. It was over.

So, there you go. I am seriously so disappointed in myself. I was such a wiener!

The thing is, I put way too much pressure on myself. I thought for sure I was going to walk away with a lot more than $1,000.

I auditioned more than a year ago. I've spent the last 12 months dreaming about how I was going to spend all of my prize money. I was going to win enough money to help move my family to Tennessee, to put a sizable down payment on a house, to replace at least one of our crappy cars. Oh, and get some more tattoos. It sucks that none of that happened.

Hey! Here's another phrase for you: Don't count your chickens before they hatch! I wish I would have heeded that advice. I wish I would have slowed down and focused a little more. I just wish I had another chance. You can only be on Wheel once... and I totally blew it.

Seriously, I can't believe what happened. I'm such a loser.

OK, enough whining. I am being such a baby about this, aren't I?

Don't get me wrong. This entire process has been a total blast. It was a once-in-a-lifetime crazy experience and I enjoyed every moment. (Well, except for when I landed on bankrupt. That really sucked.) My auditions were so much fun and so was the day of the filming. All of my fellow contestants were very sweet and awesome. I met a whole bunch of super cool people that were so excited to be there, getting their chance to spin the Wheel, just like me. The contestant coordinators are amazing and hilarious, and they are so good at what they do.

Even though I didn't win, I'm still so glad I did it. I was on America's Favorite Game Show. I'm part of an elite club that only 600 people get to join every year. I met Pat Sajak. I saw Vanna White without her makeup. And I did take home $1,000... not bad for only 20 minutes of work.

Plus, who knows? Maybe some crazy rich billionaire will watch my episode while swimming through his gold coins Scrooge McDuck style... and because I'm just so pathetic sweet, he's planning to send me a chunk of his fortune and a new car. It could happen, right?

P.S. Tell all of your crazy rich billionaire friends to watch my episode... you know, just because.