Things I wish I knew before I had kids...

I ended my last post saying I was a professional mom and that got me thinking, I'm not a professional. I'm still so new to all of this. I'm such a beginner. Then I started thinking, Who would be a professional mom? Clair Huxtable? Probably. She was pretty awesome. Cliff always had awesome sweaters to wear and chocolate cake to eat. And they both could shake a leg.

Anyway, I'm here to admit that I'm totally not a professional mom. I'm learning more and more about this whole parenting thing every day. Lilly and Addie teach me new things all the time. Addie has even disproved some of the things Lilly taught me the first time around. Thanks for nothing, Lilly.

I have a few friends that are going to be first time mommies very soon and I thought it might be kind of cool to make a little list of the main mommyhood lessons I have learned thus far. Plus, it's kind of fun to compare my view of parenthood these days to what I thought about parenthood before I ever got knocked up.

 

1. Expect change. See that stick? I peed on it and it told me my life was going to change forever. People like to tell pregnant ladies that all the time. "You just wait, missy. Everything is going to change! Har har har!" But, if you're anything like me, most of that friendly prenatal advice went in one ear and out the other. I mean, doi! You're going to squeeze a human out of your body! Of course things are going to change. I expected it to happen after Lilly was born, I guess I just had no idea how much things would change. Along with having to keep this brand new little baby alive, I also had to get used to my new role as a stay-at-home mama. I quit my job, stopped having as much of a social life as I was used to, grew paranoid about everything, and I thought more about poop than any person without kids could even fathom. It was a good change, but it was still a lot to get used to.

2. You will never sleep the same way again. Isn't it great when people tell you to rest up now, because you will lose so much sleep once that baby arrives? (Come on, like that helps. Here, let me just deposit all of this sleep into my sleep bank so I'll have enough rest to last me once the baby takes over. Thanks for the advice, Rip Van Winkle!) I expected to lose sleep, but I never imagined what was in store. I knew my sleep pattern was going to be interrupted, but I had no freaking idea that there would be nights when I wouldn't get any shuteye. I had no idea that not getting any sleep, seriously meant not getting any sleep. I had no clue that some nights, Lilly would only stop crying if (A.) she had a boob in her mouth or (B.) she was being held and rocked non-stop. There were nights Aaron and I cried more than she did. Don't worry, things got a lot easier a few weeks into it. I still didn't get much sleep, but I learned to function better without it. Of course, you might get lucky and score one of those babies that sleep all-night straight out of the womb. I did the second time around. (Bless you, my darling Adeline!) My sleep pattern is still a little wacky and my eyes dart open the second I hear even the faintest cry, but I am getting rest. Remember that although it might suck for a while and you feel like you are losing your mind, it will get better. You will not be a zombie forever.

3. You will question everything. Aaron and I spent a lot of time at the doctor's office when Lilly was still a newb. Every little bump, rash, or scratch was cause for concern. Is she supposed to cry like that? Why is her poop so watery? Is her hair falling out? Is this amount of spit-up normal? Dear God, is she holding her breath?! We were so inexperienced and we had no idea what normal infant behavior was. We were also so sleep deprived that we were probably on the verge of insanity. I was constantly calling nurses for advice or searching for answers via Google. (Warning: do not do this. Yes, Google can provide relief when you want to make sure the seedy poop your baby is squirting out is in fact mustard in color, but, more often than not, it will make you lose your everloving mind. You will start searching for 'baby eczema symptoms' and you will end up convinced that you screwed up your baby beyond repair and she is now a leper. Google and paranoid parents do not mix.) I've learned that babies are fragile but they rarely crack in half or explode. Addie has helped me realize that all of that paranoia we had with Lilly was really for nothing. Trust your parental instincts! Of course, see your doctor when necessary and try not to drop your baby, but mostly, know that you are capable of taking care of your wee one. They are resilient little suckers.

4. Being a mom is a lot like being in high school. There are so many mommy cliques it's ridiculous. As "professional parents" we tend to think our way is the right way and we really want you to join our cool club and follow suit. If you breastfeed, co-sleep, and babywear you belong in the attachment parenting club. If you don't, you're in another club. If you cloth diaper, you're a green/crunchy mommy. If you vaccinate, you're crazy. If you bedshare you're this... if you don't, you're that. It gets a little confusing (and annoying) but I've learned that the best thing you can do for yourself is to avoid labeling yourself. I am a proud breastfeeding, co-sleeping mama. I cloth diaper occasionally and my kids are vaccinated. My two-year-old watches Dora The Explorer and eats the occasional french fry. She also loves reading books and snacking on fresh veggies. I've found that there is no perfect way to parent and there is no perfect club to join. I do what works for me and my family and I don't allow myself to feel bad if I'm not meeting someone else's standards.

5. You will love this little creature like you've never loved before. It's hard to put this one into words... but believe me, it will happen. I am head over heels in love with my little ladies. Before Lilly was born, I had no idea it was possible to love someone with your entire being before even meeting them. And then Lilly was born and Poof! Instant lovefest! Before Addie was born, I couldn't imagine how I could ever love another baby as much as I love Lilly... and then Addie showed up and it was like my heart doubled over. Gah, I'm getting teary just thinking about them. Being a parent is incredible. Trust me.

So, there you have it... my advice for my friends who are soon-to-be-parents. Good luck and Godspeed!